I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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