i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
