I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
