when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Pooping to opera.
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