and you said cock pushups were impossible
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How does one acquire holy water?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
