ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
