Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
