I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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