I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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