just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
