Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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