Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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