I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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