My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
