Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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