He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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