I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
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look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
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also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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