If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
