Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
