I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
