Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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