I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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