just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
