Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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