you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
