The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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