that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If I die, sorry about rent.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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