we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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