Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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