well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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