i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
