speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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