Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
