I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He felt like a one man threesome
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
