I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
