Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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