You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
