There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
