peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
