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Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
