good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
