There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
