By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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