Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
