my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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