Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
