I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
thus making me awesome and them whores
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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