I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
