3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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