Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
