Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
