Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
