Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
