yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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