listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
