i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
