Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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