I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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