Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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