I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
