It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My ass is underappreciated
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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