so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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