I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
