i permit you to call me
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
