my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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