Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
