Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
