I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
