Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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