Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
