New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
