"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
