dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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