we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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