I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm too high and old for this...
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