We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
