I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
