My cat gives me a boner
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
