How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
