Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
