You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
