so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
