Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
