i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
